What I am, and what I'm not
When I tell people I'm an introvert, I often get looked at as if I left the milk out to sour. I assure you, I put it in the fridge.
I admit to being an introvert because I know it's not a bad thing like other people assume. Some people believe that introverts are socially stunted losers. This is definitely not true. Some of us are hard to spot in social settings because we have become so good at putting on a face that allows us to do many of the things that extroverts do. Small talk, for example, is something that a lot of introverts loathe with a passion. I know as of late, there have been a lot of comments on how rainy it's been and the part of me that loathes small talk would say, "Yeah, wet stuff does fall from the sky sometimes." Instead, I say something along the lines of, "I know! It's terrible. I wonder when it will stop." I admit that this bothers me because opening my mouth to say something should communicate something meaningful. I like learning about people and various subjects. I like pondering how the problems of the world can be solved. Is there such a thing as being too deep? For me there really isn't.
Am I shy? No. Am I a loner? Only when I feel like it. I actually enjoy going out and getting to know other people, but at the same time it saps me. My uncle had a wedding party a little over a month ago and I had fun meeting my new aunt's family but at a certain point I ran off to one of the rooms and laid down in the dark for an hour. I later went down to rejoin the party because who wants to be left out of the action? To some of you this may sound strange, but to other introverts this is perfectly normal. I was overstimulated. I needed a break from the people I was talking to. I liked them but my nerves were buzzing at that point.
For the longest time, I thought something was wrong with me. I used to think that the time I spent thinking about what I said made me stupid because I didn't talk all the time. I was socialized to think of my introspectiveness that way. I don't think out loud like some people do and that's fine with me. Extroverts think this is strange, especially in my culture where it feels like you should say what you think the moment you think it. That idea is problematic for me because words are powerful. Once words are issued forth, you can't take them back. Words (and actions for that matter) are like currency and as such can be spent in myriad ways. You can purchase wonderful things such as love, inspiration and joy. They can also purchase terrible things too: disgust, hatred and sadness. I'd rather take my time thinking.
I had been told that if I was a little more outgoing and a little more social that I could have been popular in high school. Looking back, I know a lot of teens long to be popular, but I would have liked to think that I saw popularity for what it was. I saw how others would be nice to popular kids but then turned around an gossiped about them. I was happy to not have other people talk about me. The only problem I came across in school was discovering that other kids hated and I do mean HATED that I did better than them in some of our subjects together. I once had a classmate stand up right next to my desk and ask very loudly, "Do you go home and study this every night?!" to which I replied, "I do my homework." I understood that he thought that since I didn't run with any particular crowd (as I was new to the high school) that I had no life other than my studies. I just didn't want to be someone who spoke about fashion or what someone is wearing or who is going out with whom. I couldn't help it if talking was about meaning rather than simply exercising my tongue.
I guess my point is, I'm not shy. I'm not a snob. I'm not deficient because I like my alone time. I'm not some loner sociopath about to go on some killing spree. (Even I will pick up the phone after a couple of days alone and call someone.) Most of all, I'm not an idiot. A majority of gifted people are introverted. Albert Einstein, Steven Spielberg, Jaqueline Kennedy, Carl Jung, Friedrich Nietzche are just a few. Introverts may be quiet, but we're movers and shakers too.
I admit to being an introvert because I know it's not a bad thing like other people assume. Some people believe that introverts are socially stunted losers. This is definitely not true. Some of us are hard to spot in social settings because we have become so good at putting on a face that allows us to do many of the things that extroverts do. Small talk, for example, is something that a lot of introverts loathe with a passion. I know as of late, there have been a lot of comments on how rainy it's been and the part of me that loathes small talk would say, "Yeah, wet stuff does fall from the sky sometimes." Instead, I say something along the lines of, "I know! It's terrible. I wonder when it will stop." I admit that this bothers me because opening my mouth to say something should communicate something meaningful. I like learning about people and various subjects. I like pondering how the problems of the world can be solved. Is there such a thing as being too deep? For me there really isn't.
Am I shy? No. Am I a loner? Only when I feel like it. I actually enjoy going out and getting to know other people, but at the same time it saps me. My uncle had a wedding party a little over a month ago and I had fun meeting my new aunt's family but at a certain point I ran off to one of the rooms and laid down in the dark for an hour. I later went down to rejoin the party because who wants to be left out of the action? To some of you this may sound strange, but to other introverts this is perfectly normal. I was overstimulated. I needed a break from the people I was talking to. I liked them but my nerves were buzzing at that point.
For the longest time, I thought something was wrong with me. I used to think that the time I spent thinking about what I said made me stupid because I didn't talk all the time. I was socialized to think of my introspectiveness that way. I don't think out loud like some people do and that's fine with me. Extroverts think this is strange, especially in my culture where it feels like you should say what you think the moment you think it. That idea is problematic for me because words are powerful. Once words are issued forth, you can't take them back. Words (and actions for that matter) are like currency and as such can be spent in myriad ways. You can purchase wonderful things such as love, inspiration and joy. They can also purchase terrible things too: disgust, hatred and sadness. I'd rather take my time thinking.
I had been told that if I was a little more outgoing and a little more social that I could have been popular in high school. Looking back, I know a lot of teens long to be popular, but I would have liked to think that I saw popularity for what it was. I saw how others would be nice to popular kids but then turned around an gossiped about them. I was happy to not have other people talk about me. The only problem I came across in school was discovering that other kids hated and I do mean HATED that I did better than them in some of our subjects together. I once had a classmate stand up right next to my desk and ask very loudly, "Do you go home and study this every night?!" to which I replied, "I do my homework." I understood that he thought that since I didn't run with any particular crowd (as I was new to the high school) that I had no life other than my studies. I just didn't want to be someone who spoke about fashion or what someone is wearing or who is going out with whom. I couldn't help it if talking was about meaning rather than simply exercising my tongue.
I guess my point is, I'm not shy. I'm not a snob. I'm not deficient because I like my alone time. I'm not some loner sociopath about to go on some killing spree. (Even I will pick up the phone after a couple of days alone and call someone.) Most of all, I'm not an idiot. A majority of gifted people are introverted. Albert Einstein, Steven Spielberg, Jaqueline Kennedy, Carl Jung, Friedrich Nietzche are just a few. Introverts may be quiet, but we're movers and shakers too.
Labels: introversion, introvert
posted by kyleth at
11:19 AM
1 Comments:
I love this post! It is SO me. I totally get what you're saying. There was an article that came out of some psychological journal recently (though I've lost the link) that finally recognized that there isn't anything wrong with introverts. T'was nice to see someone finally understand what you and I know is true about us. We just interact with the world in a different way from extroverts. The extroverts would be doing with a lot less if it were not for the introverts of past and present. While they're partying, we're quietly puzzling out the secrets of the universe. Ha.
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