Escaped but not really.
First, I have my own apartment. I have, as a result become more sane than I have been in a very long time.
It is blissfully quiet here and I don't have cable. It gives me time to read or do my homework mostly. I don't have issues with my mother who made me wonder from time to time if I wasn't wrong about her being a Narcissist with a capital N. Being able to step back gives me perspective I haven't had before. When I don't live with her she is nicer to me and it allows me to be objective about the things she says rather than being subjective about what she says. Let me give a few examples:
1. There is contant "I" talk. People are always doing things to her rather than doing things for themselves. Those things they do just happen to affect her.
2. God has also given her a cross to bear apparently. My brother is suffering from mental illness. I should think the person carrying the biggest cross is him. I don't know what really happened the other night but my brother overheard her make some flippant comment about white women. Yes it was inappropriate, but as much as I hate the stupid nasty things she says about nonblack people, she can say them in her own home. Usually when she says such things I walk away or find something to drown her out to let her know she doesn't have my attention anymore. She says that my brother got angry and in her face and she thought he was going to be violent. Apparently she became so afraid that she ran out of the house and he promptly locked her out. She called me from her phone in tears and I rushed over. By the time I got there, the police had arrived and were talking to my brother who was talking utter nonsense saying he coudn't get anything in life because my mother was racist. They ended up sending him to his room and we took all the knives out of the kitchen and hid them. I put the lock from what was formerly my room on my mother's door and gave her the key. Then I sat down and asked how she was doing and this was what she said, "I don't know if I could deal with it if the police shot my son. I could live with it if I did it, but not if they did it. I should get a gun."
I don't need any evidence of what my mother is anymore. It just makes me sad.
It is blissfully quiet here and I don't have cable. It gives me time to read or do my homework mostly. I don't have issues with my mother who made me wonder from time to time if I wasn't wrong about her being a Narcissist with a capital N. Being able to step back gives me perspective I haven't had before. When I don't live with her she is nicer to me and it allows me to be objective about the things she says rather than being subjective about what she says. Let me give a few examples:
1. There is contant "I" talk. People are always doing things to her rather than doing things for themselves. Those things they do just happen to affect her.
2. God has also given her a cross to bear apparently. My brother is suffering from mental illness. I should think the person carrying the biggest cross is him. I don't know what really happened the other night but my brother overheard her make some flippant comment about white women. Yes it was inappropriate, but as much as I hate the stupid nasty things she says about nonblack people, she can say them in her own home. Usually when she says such things I walk away or find something to drown her out to let her know she doesn't have my attention anymore. She says that my brother got angry and in her face and she thought he was going to be violent. Apparently she became so afraid that she ran out of the house and he promptly locked her out. She called me from her phone in tears and I rushed over. By the time I got there, the police had arrived and were talking to my brother who was talking utter nonsense saying he coudn't get anything in life because my mother was racist. They ended up sending him to his room and we took all the knives out of the kitchen and hid them. I put the lock from what was formerly my room on my mother's door and gave her the key. Then I sat down and asked how she was doing and this was what she said, "I don't know if I could deal with it if the police shot my son. I could live with it if I did it, but not if they did it. I should get a gun."
I don't need any evidence of what my mother is anymore. It just makes me sad.
posted by kyleth at
5:38 PM
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