Life at the moment
There isn't really room to breathe right now. School has started both in terms of working and attending. I'm taking two classes because I'm crazy. I have late evenings monday through thursday and I haven't had time to write at all because my free time involves homework and sleep. Not happy about that, but I do like my classes. I do have to say that Spanish is easy, but that's just me.
On another note, something happened that doesn't happen very often. I was contacted by a guy from a free dating site and we struck up a conversation. He seems nice enough, but my internal warning bells are going off because of my previous experience with guys online. I'm afraid of liking anyone I meet online too much because I had an experience with a cyberpath I will not forget. He did a number on me and then cut and run. I would be down on myself and say that I was a sucker, but I think many people because they believe in the basic goodness of others would have had the same experience I had. Perhaps one day I will go into detail but not today.
So, this guy is nice and we really do click both online and on the phone, but I don't want to think too much of it or him right now. I feel like a kicked dog who sees feet coming. Because we really click, I find myself analyzing whether I think he's trying so hard to say the right things or if he's being himself. Am I trying that hard to draw parallels to the debacle of 2002 or am I making the comparison out of fear?
What I know is that I can't live life constantly thinking about scars from someone who got his jollies from hurting me. I've picked myself up and kept going, but I know that I'm different now. I've thoroughly reasoned this out to some extent. I've been talking to the guy from the site for a couple of weeks and I realize that I don't have the same feelings I had with the person before. I don't feel this sense of being on top of the world like you would with someone with a character disorder, just a feeling of comfort and the warm fuzzies.
Now, how do I turn off this damn alarm?
On another note, something happened that doesn't happen very often. I was contacted by a guy from a free dating site and we struck up a conversation. He seems nice enough, but my internal warning bells are going off because of my previous experience with guys online. I'm afraid of liking anyone I meet online too much because I had an experience with a cyberpath I will not forget. He did a number on me and then cut and run. I would be down on myself and say that I was a sucker, but I think many people because they believe in the basic goodness of others would have had the same experience I had. Perhaps one day I will go into detail but not today.
So, this guy is nice and we really do click both online and on the phone, but I don't want to think too much of it or him right now. I feel like a kicked dog who sees feet coming. Because we really click, I find myself analyzing whether I think he's trying so hard to say the right things or if he's being himself. Am I trying that hard to draw parallels to the debacle of 2002 or am I making the comparison out of fear?
What I know is that I can't live life constantly thinking about scars from someone who got his jollies from hurting me. I've picked myself up and kept going, but I know that I'm different now. I've thoroughly reasoned this out to some extent. I've been talking to the guy from the site for a couple of weeks and I realize that I don't have the same feelings I had with the person before. I don't feel this sense of being on top of the world like you would with someone with a character disorder, just a feeling of comfort and the warm fuzzies.
Now, how do I turn off this damn alarm?
posted by kyleth at
10:08 AM
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